Months have passed since my last entry, and there is so much to tell! To be cloaked in the comforts of marriage, especially with the arrival of a young one, has filled me with an indescribable zest for life. Cath experienced a smooth pregnancy as she vigorously sewed tunics for the spawn of our loins. I could tell that her excitement rivaled mine especially as she entered the fourth quarter of the gestation process. We have much to thank the mid-wife for, her advise calmed over-eager nerves and set us focus on the task at hand.

Now I hold a young one in my hands... blood of our blood. We call him Gwes - because he is my son, and my pride. He has his mother's grey eyes, and my cheekbones. And yet he is so tiny, so fragile in my hands. His tiny palms grasp my finger, and joy fills my heart. How blessed is this son of ours, who has given us new meaning to life. I can only hope I shall be as perfect to him a father as he is to me, a son.

It was helpful that I was taught the Zimmer for now I am rather proficient in it. I have found a comfortable routine in the mornings where I awake before Cath, slip into Gwes' room and compose songs for my son. I know the music soothes him for he seldom cries once its sweet melody fills the air. There is great satisfaction to be had in his early appreciation for music, but whether he wishes to pursue music or any other occupation will be entirely up to him. I refuse to do to him what my father did to me. My son shall have the education he wishes for, and live all his dreams to their fullest. I shall see to it that he never has to be forced into a path he has not chosen, nor into a marriage he did not agree to.

By saying this, I do not mean I am unhappy with my own, but at times I am curious at how it would have been to fall so helplessly in love that every sense in your physical being tingles with the thought of her. I chide myself often for my dissatisfaction towards Cath. After all, it is my belief that I shall never find another one as selfless and loving as her. And now she has even given me a son, what more can a man ask for? Sometimes I surprise her in the mornings with a kiss on her forehead so that she might know my feelings towards her. I hope that she does...

~ The poet, now a father... ____________________________________________________

How strange to have the old wives' tale materialize for me as did my parents. Perhaps it was never a mere superstition to begin with. Just as my father received his promotion to high general shortly after my birth, I have now received a promotion from palace guard to royal guard within two months from the birth of my own son. One thing is for certain, it has converted me into a believer!

I was ordered to the royal study where I found the Emperor, his counsellor and my father in solemn conversation. Apparently, the former royal guard assigned to protect Princess Orianka had developed an intense infatuation for her highness during his term. He distressed the princess with his approaches, and was even found once in her chambers, caressing her sheets. The Emperor had heard about these events and unleashed his fury upon the man, sending him to the bastille to await the preparation of his noose in the town square!

Though the public hanging shut the chapter on that episode, there still remained the matter of the princess un-guarded, and Emperor Ghalin was now doubly ruminative concerning his replacement. The cunning of my father then took the opportunity to secure his son the empty position - he assured the Emperor the same mistakes would not be repeated by myself as I have a wife and now a child - as opposed to the former who was not married. My father assured him of how loyal I am to my family, and how focussed I will be on every duty I am given. And in aid of my promulgation, my records had been kept clean all this time, every comment by my supervising officers, a word of praise (although I suspect might have been due to my father's position in the military but I shall not take the liberty to speculate further).

The Emperor was convinced after some discussion with his counsellor (whose opinion I believe, is partial. After all, the counsellor is none other than my father's old-time playing mate) I am undoubtedly pleased with the promotion, however a part of me believes it is not deserved, and it brings little satisfaction that it should. Nonetheless, I have vowed solemnly to both Emperor Ghalin and to myself that I shall do the best job that I can. And I do intend to keep to my word.

When all was settled, the Emperor introduced me to the princess who emerged from her quarters, every footstep tinkling with the sounds of dozens of tiny bells she donned around her ankles while her face remained hidden within a veil that masked even her eyes. She acknowledged the change of guard with a swift nod, then disappeared back to whence she came.

For the past few days, I have sat at the princess' door, watching the servants move about busily in the hall, and to the gentle patter of the princess' within her room. The moment the sun rises will a maidservant deliver the princess' meal that she is to leave at her doorstep, once more at the strike of noon and a final meal when night falls. For her protection, I must guard her continually through the night, taking my rest only through part of the day where a palace guard will be called in to take my place. This transfer must be very swift and thus leaves me barely enough time to spend with Cath. But she is understanding through it all, and supports everything that I do. I am indeed a fortunate soul.

The only aspect I dread about this new schedule, is the lack of time I am able to spend with my son. I fear that I am rapidly missing out on his childhood. I just hope he will understand, eventually. My hope is that in time, I shall be deemed worthy for another promotion to a position that occupies less of my time so that I may spend it with my family.

~ The poet who guards a princess
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For the last month the princess had been unwell. Numerous herbists and monks of the best caliber had been called in for healing purposes. And yet she had barely eaten nor slept, which I could imagine contributed somewhat to her ill-health. Emperor Ghalin had been kept busy with visitations to her room, and sought updates from myself on her condition almost daily. One of the nation's best monks had been brought in to evaluate her condition, and explained that her sickness is not one of a failing physique, but one that is self-inflicted due to misery. The princess had been hidden in her quarters for much too long after the previous guard had been removed. And depression is commonplace for one in such an environment. He suggested that she be taken out for walks on a regular basis, even if it is within the palace compounds. The intention is that she must be touched by the sun, and must stimulate a dormant mind.

The Emperor had been keen on carrying out the advise. And having found favour in his eyes over the last month, his highness has now granted me supervision over her care. The news has arrived as a great delight as I might finally move from guarding the dreary dark corridor and into the bright outdoors.

Due to weak limbs, the princess had to be carried out by two maidservants on the first day. But her undaunting spirit drove her to struggle to her feet by the time she returned. And by the second day, she would not accept aid as she strode proudly to the garden on her own.

The monk's wisdom had indeed proved true as the visitations to the garden has re-energized the princess over the past week. Like a flower that had been kept without sunlight and now exposed once more to its healing rays, she has bloomed with great zest - remiscent of the first time I saw her highness strolling through the town square like a fairy gracing effortlessly upon a still lake. It is strange to acknowledge my proximity to such a legend in our nation, it is as though someone had reached into my conscious and retrieved a dream that could have been mine. How magnificent it is to walk beside the princess - to hear the chime of bells at her every footfall, her delicate silk occassionally tease as it floats on air and brush by my side.

I have not yet seen the princess' face as it remains hidden within her veil. But occassionally, when the sun peers through its interwoven material and lights up her eyes underneath, my breath is at once taken away by the gleam of emerald under a sea of glorious lashes. Her spell is one that tampers with my innermost being. I understand none of it and yet it is alluring like sweet perfume. At moments a fear seizes my soul, that I shall suffer the fate of the princess' previous guard. I know that I must never begin to entertain the thought - I belong to Cath, and the princess belongs to the Emperor. To allow my heart to rule my head would only lead to the unthinkable... my wife shall always own my heart.

~ The poet who walks beside a princess
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Princess Orianka... how beautiful is her name. And how befitting it is for the lady with such a heart of gentleness and compassion. Indeed Troi in all its years will never see another as her. To find both a heart of gold and a haunting beauty mingled within one wondrous being.

She did not take to myself at the beginning, and would regard me with an air of caution. I do not blame her for her initial fears, especially after what she had gone through. However I believe that through time, I have gradually begun to win her trust.

The princess enjoys painting in the garden. Often I would sit for hours in wait as she captures the essence of the day and translate it onto canvas and paint. I appreciate her keen sense of art, and eye for details as she almost never misses a stone in her illustrations.

She asked me once if I could paint like she did, and I bashfully replied that I was more a writer and an instrumentalist than a painter. I told her about my old friend Nerthach, whom I have not seen in more than a year now, our happy days of practising the Zimmer, and of the songs I had written to my son, Gwes. And immediately, she demanded to hear me play. I acceded to great excitement within me.

The Zimmer was brought the next day, and I strummed a simple tune for her - a song composed on the day my boy came to be with us, a day that inspired me to write the young one a verse. Though I stumbled through the lyrics in embarassment, for I had sung to no other living person besides my wife and son, I found the princess in tears at the end. She told me the melody reminded her of a song her mother used to hum to her as a child. I felt poorly about endowing her with sad memories, but she assured me that it only built her up with greater conviction of her duty that first brought her to Troi. She told me that if the cost of one person's happiness would lead to peace between two nations, then every moment would be worth the sacrifice. Her wise and selfless words moved me in a powerful manner, and they continue to resonate till this day.

Our hours spent in the garden leads often to stories of my life on the wall, and of Cath and Gwes. She speaks fondly of my family, telling me that someday she would love to meet them, and I wish of the same. But I know the Emperor would not be keen on the princess leaving the palace grounds unless absolutely necessary.

Sometimes I view the princess as an exotic pet belonging the Emperor, pampered and well-loved, yet cursed to live within the confinement of a cage of gold, rubies and sapphire... a hidden world of luxury that lays stagnant within its enclosure, lacking the energy of life that exists beyond. She exists only because she is alive, but being excluded from the rest of the world, she would often suffer from feelings of unfulfilment. I try my best to inform the princess on the goings on in the world outside on a regular basis, and she listens with much interest - but I feel there is more... if only there is more I can do for her.

Till then, I shall be a friend to her as she is a friend to me. It is the least I can do.

~ The poet, friend to a princess